Introducing… Doubleman!!

Posted: September 22, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Doubleman!! is a comic features irreverent, testosterone-driven comedy from our short-fused hero, Doubleman.  Born under peculiar circumstances, Doubleman has the ability to possess double of the power of of whatever he wants… when he wants to.  He goes off on a bevy of adventures that usually result in him destroying everything in his way and probably getting drunk.  Disclaimer: This comic may become dirty or offensive at times.  Hide your kids.

At current, the comic is more of an outline rather than a standard comic book. This website contains the full script along with liner notes to set the scene (similar to a film manuscript). Over time, more “issues” will be added along with some pictures so you know what the Hell I’m talking about. It should also be noted that as a blog, the beginning of the story is found in the older posts, with the newer ones on the home page. Use a little imagination.

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Holier Than Thou [3.1]

Posted: October 25, 2011 in Issues
Tags: , , ,

Still at the hospital.  The news program ended and focus is shifted back to where the interview was once held.  Everything’s a mess in the maternity ward.  Babies and policemen are strewn about on the floor.  Nobody’s dead (probably), but it still looks like a bomb went off in the place.  Michael is sleeping like a baby in his mother’s arms, exhausted from the recent upheaval.  Officer P’showv’r, sporting an ice pack to the head, comes over to Sandy.

P’showv’r: We’ve almost finished the casualty count.

Sandy: Is it bad?

P’showv’r: Eh, I’ve seen worse.  Although never from a kid.

Sandy: So what will happen to Michael?

P’showv’r: He’ll probably wake up later and be hungry.

Sandy: I mean, is he in trouble?  Or am I?

P’showv’r: Huh?  Oh, don’t even worry about it.  It’s not your fault.  Besides, we can’t throw a kid in jail.  I guess you can consider this one a freebie.  But I will leave you with a warning.  Try not to let it happen again.

Sandy: I will try my best.

P’showv’r: Say, where is the father in all of this?

Sandy: He’s probably off being a dandy somewhere.

In a nearby hallway, John is chatting with a few new fathers who just happen to be rich.

Rich Man #1: I do say, wealth certainly does make things so much… oh, how do you say it?

John: Better?

RM#1: Yes!  That describes it nicely.

RM #2: I could not agree any more.  When I heard that there was danger in the ward, I asked for my child to be moved somewhere safer.  Would you believe that the nurse said there was no need to do that?

RM #3: I can.  She gave me the same answer.

RM #2: That is, until I slipped her some greenbacks.  Then her whole demeanor changed.  After that, young Doland was moved to safety, while that very same room he was in was ravaged by that Michael child.

John: Cash always pays off after all.

RM #2: You can say that again.

John: Cash always pays off after all.

RM #1: [laughing] Oh, hoho.  Now that is witty.  Too good.

RM #3: I couldn’t agree more.  I was even able to bring in the best doctors to conduct the ensure a smooth birth for my baby.  And good thing I did; there was a minor complication along the way.  An ordinary doctor might not have been able to get through it successfully without some extra money.

RM #2: Truly a worthy investment.  It’s so wonderful how money improves the quality of almost everything.

John: Yet, food still tastes best when it’s free.

RM #2: Well, I did say almost everything.

RM #1: Speaking of investments, I recently bought a massive amount of  stock in VHS technology.

RM #3: Are you mad?  Sources tell me the technology will be completely dead within a few short years.  That might be the worst investment I’ve ever heard!

RM #1: Exactly.  You see, I made a bet with a few colleagues of mine that I wouldn’t do it.  So I did.  Now my winnings from the bet will far eclipse my loss from the initial investment.  Hahaha!

RM #3: Brilliant!

John: Quite.  But I’ve an even better one for you.

RM #1: Is that so?

John: You see, I prefer playing the game with free investments for maximum rewards.

RM #2: How so?

John: I believe, and have proven, that being a good person attracts the greatest wealth.  If you are good to everyone, then everyone has no choice other than to be good to you.  Who even needs money when anyone would gladly help you with whatever you need?

The rich bastards are impressed, maybe even enlightened.  They will find a way to make money off of the idea.

Chaos ensues as Doubleman continues to raise Hell.  It can be assumed at this point that he’s almost forgotten why he was mad in the first place.  He’s just enjoying the thrill of shaking things up (really hard).  Meanwhile, a T.V. is on nearby set to the channel of the live interview.  Of course, things went awry, so the “technical difficulties” message has been up for a couple minutes.  The broadcast switches back to the news station and an anchorman caught off-guard.

Anchor: Um…  It appears there were some technical difficulties at the hospital.  Everyone here offers the Poppycock family our congratulations and hopes everything work out for the family.  Since we have some extra time now, we’ll be speaking to some figures about their feeling on this unique child.  First up is Fox News pundit Bill O’Reilly.

The broadcast sets the anchor in a frame to the left and O’Reilly in a frame to the right.

Anchor: Hello, Bill.  How are you doing today?

Bill O’Reilly: Confused and slightly offended.

Anchor: Oh?

O’Reilly: Yes.  I’m not quite sure where this child stands legally, but I don’t like him.

Anchor: Elaborate?

O’Reilly: Well first of all, genetically speaking, Michael is not a normal child.  In fact, he’s completely different than every other human being.  My question is should he even be treated as as a normal human.  I mean, sure, he takes on the form of any other man, but he’s clearly not on the inside.  So legally, should he regarded as a human?  I think not.  Should he be regarded as an animal?  Not quite, but I think until we figure out what he is exactly, we should side towards that.

Anchor: Are you sure?  Michael is still technically a human, born from human parents.  I don’t really see a need to place him in the same class as my dog.

O’Reilly: And I might have agreed with that sentiment, until he started throwing a rampage during the interview 10 minutes ago.  He’s uncontrollable, unpredictable.  He may be more dangerous than we initially thought.

Anchor: Dangerous to whom?

O’Reilly: Everybody.  His family, his friends, his environment.  Heck, even himself!

Anchor: So are you saying that as an uncertain figure who has displayed a destructive attitude, Michael should be considered to be in a “grey zone” until he’s older or proven himself as an average citizen?

O’Reilly: Essentially.  And if that day even comes, I’m still not sure I’d trust him.  He seems more like a monster in disguise to me.

???: You shut your face!

A third frame appears on screen in the middle of the other two (leaving the anchor to the left and O’Reilly on the right).  An image comes in to identify the voice.  It’s none other than Chuck Norris.

O’Reilly: Excuse me!?

Norris: You heard me.  You’re full of it and need to stop talking now.

O’Reilly: What is this?  Who do you think you are?

Norris: I’m a man.  And so is Michael.  There’s no denying that.  He’s just as human as you or I, if not more so.  You’re just putting him down because you can’t understand him.  Instead of learning about him and actually getting to know him, you’d rather just make up stuff about his illegitimacy.  You may speak passionately about you’re ignorant fears, but that doesn’t make them right.

O’Reilly: That’s outrageous!  For you’re information, I’ve been doing this for years.  I know what I’m talking about.  And you are… an actor?  What credentials do you have to be speaking about this with me?

Norris: My fist.

Chuck punches off-frame to the right.  Somehow the punch goes through to O’Reilly’s frame and knocks him out.

Norris: My work here is done.

Norris cuts out of the broadcast.

Anchor: We thank both of our guest speakers for their views on the issue.  We just about out of time here, but we have one more figure here to weigh in on the topic.  He is a reverend from Alabama who is simply called “Creationist” by his followers due to of his deep devotion to the Catholic religion.

Creationist: [appearing in a frame to the right of the anchor] Hello.

Anchor: Hi.  So how do you feel about our controversial child?

Creationist: I differ not too greatly from Mr. O’Reilly.

Anchor: Is that so?

Creationist: Indeed.  However, my concern is not the legality of the child in the government’s eyes, but in the eyes of our Lord.

Anchor: Does Michael defy the word of God as well?

Creationist: Without a doubt.  Michael is a blight in the eyes of God.  He is not a true human, nor is he quite like any other creature.  He’s an anomaly; a mutant; an abomination!

Anchor: I see.  Does the Bible specifically state anything to back that up?

Creationist: Absolutely.  God stated that He made man in his image.  Michael is not in his image.  Besides, just look at what the demon has done.  In less than a month, Michael has gone on a rampage in a hospital.  Imagine the pain and destruction he is causing in such a delicate place!

Anchor: So what will you do?  Levy political litigation?

Creationist: No.  Nothing will get done if we wait for Congress to address the issue.  I must take this matter into my own hands, with or without assistance.

Anchor: Personally?

Creationist: The child Michael must be destroyed.  I will carry out God’s will and see to it that this blight be purged from our Earthly plane… forever!

Fade to black.  Cliffhanger ending.

A press conference is set up in the hospital.  Sandy is sitting in a chair in the maternity ward with Michael wrapped in swaddling cloths in her arms.  John is standing proudly beside them.  There are a few doctors and nurses around them.  The whole setup looks strikingly similar to the Nativity scene.  Journalists and members of the news media begin to pour in, excited for a big scoop.  John and Sandy tell their tale again and the doctors fill in the technical information about the child’s formation and birth.  Michael tries to answer a few questions, but is usually interrupted by one of the adults.  This annoys him.

Journalist #1: [directing the question at the parents] How has Michael’s temperament been since taking him home?

Michael: I’ve been-

Sandy: Oh, he’s actually been quite sweet.  A few mild tantrums here and there, but nothing too bad.  He’s surprisingly self-sufficient.

Michael: I could have said that.

Journalist #2: Has he been potty trained yet?

Michael: What kind of question is-

John: Yes!  I’ve never seen a child learn the skill so quickly and easily.  Sandra and I are lucky parents in that regard.  [the room laughs briefly, except for Michael]

Michael: [irate, to the journalist] If you’re so interested in my business, would you like to wipe my ass?  I’m about to answer your question personally right now. [he bends over and starts to look strained in the face]

Journalist #3: [unseen from the back of the group] Will somebody shut that kid up?

Michael: Who said that?  Who fucking said that?! [looking feverishly at the journalists, no one speaks up]  You know what?  Screw this.  None of you care what I have to think or say.  I’m outta here.

Michael hops off of his mother’s lap and storms out.  Others follow to catch him, but he runs away.  He holds himself up in the room of the ward where the newborns are kept.  To keep everybody away, Michael creates a stronghold by barricading the doors and fashioning weapons out of anything he can.  Preparing for war, he begins rallying the babies up to fight with him by his side.  Some infants notice him, but none of them know what’s going on.

His attempts are fairly successful; nobody from the outside can get in.  The police are called and Officer P’showv’r shows up with his squad in attempt to thwart Michael’s uprising.

Sandy: Oh, officer.  I’m so glad you’re here.  My child has locked himself off in the hospital and won’t come out.  We even think he’s prepared to fight!

P’showv’r: Eh, he’s probably alright.  I’ve heard kids these days throw tantrums when they’re mad.  We just have to wait until he tires himself out.

Sandy: Are you sure?  He seems pretty serious.

P’showv’r: Pretty sure.  I’ve never dealt with a delinquent baby before.

A molotov cocktail crashes through an interior window and blows up next to the reporters and journalists.

P’showv’r: Whoa!  I hope he gets tired quick.

Journalist #3: Missed me, kid!

An fully loaded diaper is thrown through the hole in the window and nails the journalist in the face.

Journalist #3: NNNOOOOOO!

Name: Michael Poppycock

Age: ~1 month

Relatives: John Poppycock (father), Sandra Poppycock (mother)

Job: n/a

Bio: Young Michael is something of a freak of nature. He spend half the normal time developing in the womb, yet emerged as a fully developed adult, only child-sized. This was discovered to be the resultant of the boy possessing not one, but two Y chromosomes in addition to the X. This extra dose of man genes has granted Michael more testosterone than normal. Though newly born, he is already manlier than most. Because of this, Michael displays high levels of aggression and masculinity. It is yet to be seen what will become of him, but one can only imagine the wonderful destruction he will one day cause.

Dial “A” for Anarchy [2.1]

Posted: October 4, 2011 in Issues
Tags: , , , ,

A week or so passed and there was still no word of the genetic test results.  Everything else was fine, health-wise, but it was still important to find out if something in the genetics influenced this strange occurrence.  About a month passed in total and Sandy called the hospital for the umpteenth time.  This time, however, they were told that the results were in and to come in for everything.  After the family arrives, the doctor explains that the delay was caused because the normal crew encountered a situation they had never come to before and didn’t know what to make of it.  The data was sent higher and higher up before it reached the hands a one Dr. Hawk Stevening.  In his brilliance, he finally figured out what to make of the data.  Michael’s DNA structure had not two, but three swirling paths that the genetic chemicals took along the strand.  He termed this phenomenon the “triple helix” DNA structure.  Furthermore, he suggests in Michael’s case there is one X chromosome, from his mother, and (unusually) two Y chromosomes from his father.  This one-of-a-kind occurrence has created a human with not only twice the male testosterone production, but nearly twice the total number of chromosomes as well.  Michael is essentially a “double man.”

John: Now it all makes sense, I think.

Sandra: So… is my son a mutant?

Doctor: Perhaps by definition, yes.  But there doesn’t seem to be anything that would be a disadvantage to him.  Think of Michael as more of an X-Men rather than your run-of-the-mill sewer mutant.

Michael: I like the sound of that, Dr. X.  [lights up a cigar]

Doctor: You know you shouldn’t smoke.  It’s bad for your health.  And you’re still just a new-born.

Michael: [takes a good, hard stare at the doc] Blow it out your ass. [blows out big cloud of smoke]

Doctor: Then again, you seem capable of making your own decisions.

Michael: Damn straight!

Doctor: Anyway, since this is such a rare and spectacular event, the scientific community is buzzing like crazy.  News is spreading like wildfire.  Would you all mind doing an interview and press conference here?  The scientific community would love it.

John: Sounds like a splendid idea!  Let us spread this to all corners of the globe!

Doctor: Or to all basic cable news channels.

Sandy: Basic cable’s good enough for us.

Michael: Am I going to be famous?

Doctor: You’re already famous to me!

Michael gives the doc a weird look.

Stuff Doubleman Likes

Posted: September 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

Doubleman’s unofficial theme song.

 

Action is Doubleman’s middle name.  Not really.